One "benefit" of being unemployed is getting to catch up on 10 year old reruns of Law & Order. Each episode comes with all sorts of suggestions, most of which center around hiring a social security lawyer or getting cash for my annuity or structured settlement, but there is a nice sprinkling of vitamin and supplement commercials. And while I may not have learned enough to pass the New York Bar exam, I have learned that I will have a horrible life and painful death if I don't start protecting my <random vital organ> by taking daily <random supplement that I didn't know existed>.

I'm never going to be able to tango if I don't start taking fish oil. There's no way I can possibly be regular/have good digestive health since I'm not taking fiber pills. The reason I'm so fat is because I don't have decadent and correctly proportioned meals delivered directly to my door. My high cholesterol is obviously due to my failure to eat 12 bowls of cheerios every day. In case all that wasn't bad enough, I'm lethargic and depressed because of my failure to take SAM-e. And here I thought that all my problems were caused by my brain being softened by Hulu. Silly me.