02 March 2012

Frankenboob is a more appropriate name than I thought

Shockingly, I was still taking Percoset the Monday after my first inflation. It was a mere week and a half since Frankenboob's excoriation, and just over two since Frankenboob's creation. Therefore, it was time for something disastrous to happen.

Matt drags me out of the house most days. While he claims it's for my benefit, I strongly suspect he just wants to get himself out the house. On that fateful Monday, it was definitely not me who benefited. The mistake was stopping at a 7-Eleven on the way home. A giant guy accidentally elbowed me in the Frankenboob! He immediately turned around and apologized, so it would have been a bit rude to kick him in the balls.

Somehow I made it make to the car without screaming, though my eyes did tear up. When we finally got home, a visual inspection didn't make me feel any better. A bruise was forming, and there was clearly a dent at the site of the impact.

The new disaster area continued to throb the next day. Time to call the doctor! Dr. PlasticSurgeon assured me that the expander requires much more than a giant elbow infraction to pop, so I needn't worry about that. As for the pain, the area had just experienced two traumatic surgeries and was therefore much more vulnerable. A small bump that I would otherwise barely notice could cause severe pain in these circumstances. I should just keep popping pills, and the extra pain would go away in three to four days. Woohoo.

Later that week, at inflation appointment number two, Dr. PlasticSurgeon confirmed that the world wasn't ending. She also pumped another 100cc of sterile saline into the expander, bringing the total to 270cc. That's when I discovered I was supposed to take a Valium before arriving, not just afterwards. At least I'm running low on things to go wrong. Or so I thought.

I never found out if Dr. PlasticSurgeon ended up needing the allograft, so I made the mistake of asking. As it turned out, my pectoral muscle was a fairly normal length, also known as not long enough to fully cover the expander. A collagen allograft was used to finish the job.

What is a collagen allograft? It's a piece of cadaver in which the actual living cells have been removed, leaving a collagen honeycomb. Since there aren't any living cells, it's technically not a transplant, though it goes through the same screening process. However, it did come from a dead person. That's right, Frankenboob is made with a piece of a dead guy! I just hope no one named Igor was involved in the collection process.

Before I left, Dr. PlasticSurgeon examined the scar. She declared that the was skin finished healing, though I have my doubts. Plus, I'm not exactly a fan of a giant red scar. Not to worry, it will mostly be concealed when the doctor creates a nipple. How? I have no idea. But she seemed confident that it would work.


Photon said...

Oh. My. Goodness. !!! !!! I hope it continues to heal quickly! Vitamin E oil, stat, on the scar!

sugarandice said...

Just think, now you're supernatural, like a vampire or zombie! :)