18 December 2010

There's no such thing as a free lunch

One of the best things about my job is the free food. Not just instant mashed potatoes and bags of cheesy poofs, but delicious gourmet cooking everyday. And if you don't believe me, just ask my mom about toasted almonds.

Last week I grabbed chicken for lunch on my way to a meeting. About an hour later, Matt stopped by for a free lunch to say hi. I mentioned that I had the chicken, which prompted him to look at me as though my nose had retracted and come out the other side of my head. While I confirmed that my nose hadn't gone walkabout, he pointed out that it reeked of bacon.

"No, it's chicken. It says chicken. And the first ingredient is... bacon!. WTF?!"

"How could you not have smelled it?"

"My nose is still stuffed. Stupid useless nose."

Well, that sucked, but at least I learned my lesson - always read the ingredient lists.

Fast forward a week, and I found myself staring at a glorious pile of ice cream sandwiches.

one unit of Glorious Pile

Being the patient and practical being that I am, it seemed perfectly natural to have one before even considering the standard entrees. After all, ice cream sandwiches is a subset of sandwiches, and sandwiches are perfectly reasonable lunches. Not liking chocolate, I chose the snickerdoodle one. Everything was going splendidly until one of the food workers asked me if I liked the bacon ice cream.

Cooking chicken in bacon fat is one thing, but bacon ice cream? Who on earth expects little piggy particles in their desserts? The loons over at Coolhaus, that's who. Lesson double plus learned.

how not to make an ice cream sandwich

Later on I found out that the candied bacon bits were very obvious in texture and taste, so I managed to eat the part of the sandwich without my current arch nemesis. As a side note, since when did people candy bacon? Eww.


momdgp said...

At least the ice cream sandwiches look good. Meat + ice cream = fail.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure I've eaten bacon, working here. It's an occupational hazard, for sure. I don't think you'd have the same problem in MTV, which seems to be be much more dietary-restriction-friendly. Also I feel like LA County wants to be the bacon capital of the universe right now for some reason. Unfortunate.

The worst food crime Google ever perpetrated on me? In 2006, as a lowly intern, I bit into a date that turned out to be full of black mold. This triggered a panic attack (obviously, right??) which triggered the Google EMT folks taking me to the emergency room because my shortness of breath seemed like it could possibly be the beginning of anaphylaxis or however you spell that. The ER doctor told me I was a silly, silly person but that he probably would have had a panic attack if he bit into a moldy date too, cause that noise is heinous.

Kind of a waste of an afternoon, all told. So, yeah, at least the Bacon Situation hasn't put you in the ER (yet).

farniks said...

my condolences. gross.

photonsrain said...

People even put bacon in chocolate.

[jokingly] I hope this doesn't prevent the Messiah from returning... [/jokingly]