Showing posts with label tv. Show all posts

I decided to give NCIS: Los Angeles a chance this Monday. In retrospect, I'm not sure what the logic behind that decision was because the first 5 minutes sucked. Seriously sucked. Give up hope and change the channel sucked. Then came the opening credits, which starts INNNN SPAAAAACCCE and zooms down to an aerial shot of the NCIS headquarters in LA.



Do you see that? Do you? Because I sure did. The white blobs on the left include my house! The orange blobs in the middle are the NCIS buildings! Except for the fact that there is a garden center there, and it certainly does not have an orange roof. The liars!

The show went back to sucking immediately after returning from commercials.

No, really. And entirely on purpose. For some reason, there was absolutely nothing remotely watchable late on a summer Sunday night. The closest thing to bearable was Amazing Wedding Cakes, and that was only because I wanted to see how those ridiculous cakes are made. The stupidity and drama inherent in all reality television would just have to be ignored if no one was wiling to exert effort and put on a DVD.

As predicted, the cakes and the decorating process were interesting. The people, not so much. Then the show ended, leaving us face to face with our original lethargy. While Matt and I vigorously debated who should actually get off the couch, the next show came on: Bridezillas!

Holy crap did I never plan on watching such a monstrosity. But for that one hour, it was the greatest show on earth. You couldn't make up some of the mind-numbing neuroses these women developed over the course of planning a wedding. One woman's craziness could at least be PARTIALLY explained by all the stupidity going on around her. The other, well, we spent the next half hour trying to figure out why on earth her fiance hasn't put his head in an oven yet.

There are some very beautiful larger women and some very ugly stick-thin women. This example happened to fall squarely in the chunky and ugly category, partially due to her unkempt hair and frumpy clothes. However, she apparently has no ego problem as she is convinced she is the most gorgeous woman in the world and ANY guy would kill to be with her. No exaggeration. She randomly accused other men of trying to flirt with her and didn't seem to notice when her flirting attempts were ignored. Her poor fiance, however, noticed her trying. Personally, I think that a healthy self-esteem and confidence in oneself are great traits (of which I could use some more...), but she was firmly in the egomaniacal area.

After announcing that she was to be referred to as Queen, just when I thought she couldn't go any farther downhill, things got worse. She gathered all her fiances friends and presented them with rules. The most notable was a ban on all jewelry, including a groomsman's wedding band. WTF?

Even though Matt and I were clearly a bit stupider for having watched a full hour of such nonsense, I must admit that it was engrossing. And I will NEVER watch Bridezillas again. Oh, and why are people so desperate for fame (and $2500) that they are will to debase themselves on national television? I will never understand that one.

One "benefit" of being unemployed is getting to catch up on 10 year old reruns of Law & Order. Each episode comes with all sorts of suggestions, most of which center around hiring a social security lawyer or getting cash for my annuity or structured settlement, but there is a nice sprinkling of vitamin and supplement commercials. And while I may not have learned enough to pass the New York Bar exam, I have learned that I will have a horrible life and painful death if I don't start protecting my <random vital organ> by taking daily <random supplement that I didn't know existed>.

I'm never going to be able to tango if I don't start taking fish oil. There's no way I can possibly be regular/have good digestive health since I'm not taking fiber pills. The reason I'm so fat is because I don't have decadent and correctly proportioned meals delivered directly to my door. My high cholesterol is obviously due to my failure to eat 12 bowls of cheerios every day. In case all that wasn't bad enough, I'm lethargic and depressed because of my failure to take SAM-e. And here I thought that all my problems were caused by my brain being softened by Hulu. Silly me.